Bumper Stickers

I have grown to hate them. I know they are not what taught the American public to think in sound bytes, but they are it’s worst reality.

Of course the political ones are rather annoying. Yes, schools are important, and bombers are expensive, but I think it’s a bit ridiculous to expect the Army to put on bake sales.


Yes, I know that logging is an important industry and you are frustrated by environmentalists, but “Earth First, We’ll Log the Other Planets Later” is a little too rough, don’t you think?

But these are nothing to the latest bash I have seen recently

I mean seriously, do you really want to put these on your car? You know that everyone driving past you are going to have to read these right? You know that this includes children? I just don’t think it is anywhere near appropriate for me to have to explain these to kids. To tell the truth, I hate repeating them here, but I have to explore the degradation somehow.

In fact, I really can’t list the bad ones. You’ll have to do with the moderately bad, and imagine them much worse. I refuse to allow some things to come out of my mouth, or get typed from my hands.

I suppose that I should start off with why this suddenly set me off. I was driving home today, and my daughter goes, “Ewww!” I of course ask what is wrong, and she won’t tell me. (She is a good girl, and knows there are things that shouldn’t come out of her mouth either!) So she points at a truck parked nearby, and on the back window, in letters two feet tall it reads, “Show me your tits”. Seriously, like a huge billboard. Aren’t there laws against such indecency? If not, there should be.

So without further ado, some bumper stickers to boil your blood.

“I am not an alcoholic, I’m a Drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.” 
Great to know. Thanks.
“Take revenge, Sh– on a pidgin.” 
Brilliant thought, thanks for sharing.
“Take your ex out tonight, one bullet ought to do it.” 
Hmm, wonder why you aren’t together anymore.
“Breast inspector ahead, please have them out.” 
I’m so surprised you can’t get a date.
“Lost your cat? Look under my tires.” 
Truly funny. Have you thought of doing stand up?
“Jesus loves you, but I’m his favorite.” 
Well, I think we might have missed the point on that one.
“Be kind to animals, don’t eat them.” 
But slaughter defenseless plants with glee. Unless they are trees.
“Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.” 
I have no witty comment for this one.
“My other car is a broom.” 
Wow, I can see why you are using this one then.
“Keep your laws off my body.” 
Which ones? Domestic violence or the right to medical care?
“Reality is for people who lack imagination.” 
And imagination is for people who lack reality.

“The only Bush I trust is my own.” 
Lord, I don’t even want to think about this.
“I brake for hookers.” 
No wonder your car is so beat up, you must be broke.
“Horn broke, watch for finger.”
I bet you are pleasant at parties.
“Intolerance will not be tolerated.”
Clearly missed his logic classes.
“I’m only speeding ’cause I really have to sh–” 
Let’s put that one in the TMI file.
“Objects in my mirror are dumber then they appear.” 
You got that right buddy.

I could do this all day long, this thinking in bumper sticker language is strangely addicting. I better stop now before I go into t-shirts.

Seriously though, I really only chose the tame ones without any really bad language. I am used to being shocked when I watch TV, and am still becoming accustomed to being shocked as I drive.

Okay, I can’t help it, one more, my absolute favorite.

If you can read this, turn me over
In case you are wondering, I do have a bumper sticker.
It says “Catholic Radio, 1400am”.
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