Satan Shaved His Beard

Satan Shaved His Beard

Of course he did. That’s what evil does. It takes the goodness that God has created, and twists and perverts it.

Okay, now this theory might just be my silliness going crazy, but then, I might just be right. So take this with a grain of salt, or maybe a jar of salt, take it as humor, or take it as self glorification. Or maybe I’m really on to something here…

For a man, to have a beard is his natural state. Leave him alone in the woods for just a few days, and it is nearly magical how God will transform him. God just loves beards on men. (It was His idea, after all!)

Modern culture doesn’t like beards so much, have you ever wondered why? Personally, I think it’s a plot of Satan himself.

Now I’m not going to put this plot on the same level as his desire to keep you in sin, or his desire to damn all humanity, but I do think it’s part of his bigger plan. It doesn’t end with beards either, it’s way bigger than that. But I have to start somewhere to really explain this, and beards are just so handsome that it seemed the proper place.

In “The Screwtape Letters”, a brilliant book describing the methods and mentalities of devils and tempters written by C.S.Lewis, there is a short idea he throws in for a moment that has always set me on edge, made me just a bit more than leery of fashion in general. The basic idea is this: Satan uses his “best” tempters to work on the minds of the few who are in control of art, music and fashion. Why would he do such a thing? Why not work on politicians who can do more harm? To create dissatisfaction.

This is where the intellect of Lewis just shines. Satan, by focusing his energy on creating a physical ideal that is unreachable by most, makes everyone feel ugly, and see uglyness in everyone else. No one is happy and satisfied with the way God made them. Everyone is too fat, everyone is too short, women should look like they are still seventeen, and men should look like Atlas. Of course, having a beautiful, natural beard is simply out of the question.

If you think I am exaggerating, turn on your TV and count the beards. How many newscasters for example have you seen with a full beard? How many romantic heroes in film resemble ZZ Top? I’ve even heard it said of men who wear their facial hair natural are men who are sinister, or have something to hide. Bearded men are more likely to be associated with the unabomber than with Saint Peter. The Devil is one tricky fellow if he has so completely fooled humanity.

See how Satan did that? He took a good thing that God created, and made it unfashionable. To put it another way, God gave most women big hips, not just because they are feminine and sexy, but because they help to facilitate the bearing of children. Fashion however wants you to be thin as a rail. Another example, most women should be a little heavy, where do you think the calories that build little babies comes from? Fifteen pounds overweight should be sexy, I mean after all, what could be sexier than being ready to have a baby? But fashion says that’s ugly. So here you are, really into a man, and you naturally gain fifteen pounds because your body is naturally getting you ready, and instead of your fiance becoming more into you, he becomes less. Satan may be evil, but he is brilliant. (By the way, you’ll notice that I just said that getting ready to have a baby defines sexy. One of these days, I’ll prove it to you!)

Never forget that the prime man Himself, the Son of Man, Our Lord sported a beard. I cannot even imagine a clean shaved Jesus, the very thought is insulting. Manliness in perfection clearly had a beard. All the apostles too had beards, down to the very last one.  The persecuting Romans? Clean shaven.

Now I must take a step backwards. I know you are probably really excited to start growing that baby out, but you might want to hold on for just a second. Realize that this mental dislike of beards runs deep. If you are married, you might just feel that your lovely wife should just like you with a beard, but you have to remember that she has been deceived for so long, that it’s in her blood to not like them. Try it out by all means, but if she’s not down with it, well, I prefer to cuddle at night than sleep on the front door mat, if you catch my drift. I know this is shocking, but somethings are simply more important than having a beard.

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8 Responses to Satan Shaved His Beard

  1. Nice post, Dance! Very interesting!!! I see your point, but my husband has a beard! So I like beards anyway! ;-) God Bless!

  2. I'm praying for your soul says:

    This is for “arben ceka” and anyone willing to join me in my heart-filled prayer…
    “arben ceka” has posted some completely rude comments(to men and women) here which Dance, in a saintly way, deleted to save “arben ceka” from looking completely stupid.
    Please pray for “arben ceka” his soul is in need of help. May he feel God’s heart in all that he does and see God’s tears everyday that he sins.
    “arben ceka” I have been praying for you every time I see a bearded man. In the past few days I had forgotten about you until you posted today. So thanks for the reminder…I will continue to pray a prayer for you every time I see a man with a beard. (BTW: It is often.)

    Dance, you are welcome to delete this comment if you wish to. God Bless.

    • Thank you so much for your heart felt reaction, it is a great reminder for me to remember that prayer is better than frustration!

      I did have to ban Mr. Ceka for language inappropriate for this site, but thanks to you, I will add prayer to the ban as well.

      Mr. Ceka, if you happen to be reading this, I will continue to moderate any comments you may wish to leave, and assuming they are respectful, will answer them in turn.

      I will not be shaving my beard anytime soon however. :)

  3. Zegaroth says:

    My school has a dress code that makes me shave my beard. :(

  4. Anonymous says:

    Um…Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI. Pope Francis. Clean shaven. Neither are any less of a man.

  5. Anonymous says:

    My wife is going to have to just deal with it. I love God first.

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