Wet Noodle Dance

So I’m not sure if I did the right thing. I went and got my children an X-box for Christmas.

You should know, we did not even have a TV for many years. I’m rather uncomfortable with the idiot box in general. It’s not so much that I can’t stand the degradation of common decency that is present on the thing, I do, but there is a deeper issue for me.

I have no attention span.

What this means is, if the TV is on, I can’t hear anyone speak to me, nor can I be a useful member of our household. If the TV is on, I am glued to it, period. I can hate the show, be angry at the commercials, wish that all the crap was taken off the air, and at the same time, I cannot hear my wife calling me in the kitchen. TV just doesn’t work for me.

While it certainly shows how brilliant all those producers and directors are out there at grabbing our attention, it has also been something I have had an aversion to for most of my life. We usually have a TV in the house, but it is primarily for movies. I can’t even remember the last time I actually watched a live TV show. But I digress.

We live in a very rainy climate, and that means we stay indoors for most of the winter. While this has made my daughters very good at knitting, it does not give them much exercise. Enter X-box Kinect. For those of you who don’t know, Kinect is a device you add to your game system that makes you able to control the game with your body instead of the hand held remote like thingy. If you want to race a car, you just act like you are holding the steering wheel, and it sees you and the game responds accordingly. Pretty darn neato really.

There is however a problem. Racing cars just doesn’t seem to excite my kids. No, they want to dance. So I said sure, let’s buy the dancing game.

What exactly was I thinking here?

There are two major problems here. One is content, and the other is the removal of my masculinity.

Ok, now I like to dance, I mean heck, my name is Dance, I can hardly get away with it. Clearly however, my idea of dancing is not relevant to this game. I don’t think I have ever tried to dance to such hits as “Right Thurr”, “Rude Boy” or “Turn Me On”.

Now, I will admit I am protective, but I have never tried to hide my kids from the evils of the world. We just let it pass, and then I talk it to death. (Effective strategy so far by the way, I think my kids have my voice rolling around in their heads permanently at this point.) Having it blasting on my TV speakers however is another matter. At first, this just made me uncomfortable, but at this point, we have made such fun of the songs that when they start up, we immediately start laughing. So yes, my daughters do know the words to “Baby Got Back”, but they also have a silly dance routine making fun of it. Give and take I suppose.

There is however another issue. I pretty much do everything with my kids, and so now, I am expected to jiggle my behind along with them.

Now, on a twelve year old, this is cute, but on a thirty five year old balding man, not so much. Every time my wife comes in the room she just starts laughing at me. Now I will admit, that is a standard response in my house, but this time it’s not because I look funny. Now it’s because I look like a wet dancing noodle.

X-box, you have stripped me of my masculinity. Now even my sister wants to come to visit just to watch the spectacle.

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